TFLN Wrestling Style: The Holiday Edition!
by Debwood-1999
Summary: Wrestlers plus cellphone plus the holiday spirit equals hilarity!


**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Thought I'd give you all some holiday cheer a little early this year. My family's going thru some very difficult times (roommate lost her job, and just yesterday, her mom passed away, and because of all of the preparations for that, we're cancelling our Thanksgiving celebration. Keep us all in your thoughts and prayers, we really need your support.**

Anyway, here's a few holiday flavored texts for your reading enjoyment:)

**Disclaimers: Not mine (except for Anna). Other OC's appear courtesy of their respective authors. **

_**TFLN Wrestling Style, Holiday Edition**_

**Keyword: CHRISTMAS**

**To: Matt Hardy  
From: Shannon Moore**  
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

**To: Twitter  
From: Eva Marie**  
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.

**To: Twitter  
From: Kelly Kelly**  
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

**To: Rob Van Dam  
From: Mr. Anderson**  
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Maryse  
Subject: Miz**  
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.  
**To: Maryse  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
and then ...  
**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Maryse**  
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut

**To: Twitter  
From: Ryan Shamrock**  
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms

**To: Twitter  
From: AJ Lee**  
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attached. Also, Merry Christmas.

**To: Jeff Hardy  
From: Edge**  
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...

**To: Connor Lawson  
From: Cooper Lawson**  
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.

**To: Jeff Hardy  
From: Edge  
Subject: Threesome with Jericho and Christian**  
We were supposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning

**To: JBL  
From: Michael Cole  
**Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

**To: Twitter  
From: Heath Slater**  
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

**To: Farooq  
From: Bradshaw**  
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

**To: Steve Austin  
From: APA  
Subject: Shawn Michaels**  
Shawn got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.

**To: Twitter  
From: Brian Kendrick**  
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.

**To: Luke & Erick  
From: Bray Wyatt**  
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.

**To: Twitter  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud:)

**To: Heath & Jinder  
From: Drew McIntyre**  
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit

**To: Twitter  
From: Christian  
Subject: Trish Stratus**  
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.

**To: Chris Jericho  
From: Fandango**  
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

**To: Twitter  
From: Christian**  
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student

**To: Tommy Dreamer  
From: Scott Levy (Raven)**  
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.

**To: Ryan Shamrock  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish

**To: Brie Bella  
From: Natalya**  
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.

**To: Christian  
From: Trish Stratus**  
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"

**To: Twitter  
From: Steve Austin**  
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.

**To: Twitter  
From: Rob Van Dam**  
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"

**To: Twitter  
From: James Lawson**  
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"...successful drunk Christmas shopping

**To: Twitter  
From: Rob Van Dam**  
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas

**To: Maryse  
From: Miz**  
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

**To: Twitter  
From: Edge**  
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.

**To: Matt Hardy  
From: Christian  
Subject: Anna Hollenbeck**  
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party

**To: Twitter  
From: John Morrison  
Subject: CM Punk**  
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

**To: Twitter  
From: Bray Wyatt**  
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.

**To: Lita  
From: Anna Hollenbeck  
Subject: Anna's Date**  
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree...not great but still made the cut.

**To: Twitter  
From: Jeff Hardy**  
im spending all my christmas money on new years paraphernalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning

**To: Twitter  
From: Stephanie McMahon**  
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

**To: The Hardyz  
From: The APA**  
of course we have a beer bong  
**To: The Hardyz  
From: The APA**  
how else would we feed our christmas tree

**To: Chris Sabin  
From: Alex Shelley**  
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?

**To: Seath & Roman  
From: Dean**  
This dude is being a total douche  
**To: Dean  
From: Seth & Roman**  
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps.

**To: Dolph Ziggler  
From: AJ Lee**  
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over here and FUCK. ME. NOW.

**To: Summer Rae  
From: Fandango**  
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

**To: Twitter  
From: Mickie James**  
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.

**To: Christian  
From: Edge  
Subject: Jeff Hardy**  
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

**To: CM Punk  
From: Daniel Bryan  
Subject: Brie Bella**  
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.

**To: Antonio Cessaro  
From: Jack Swagger**  
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

**To: Matt Hardy  
From: Shannon Moore**  
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.

**To: Twitter  
From: Bradshaw**  
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies

**To: Jinder  
From: Heath & Drew**  
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

**To: Cooper Lawson  
From: James Lawson & Undertaker**  
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.

**To: Matt Hardy  
From: Edge  
Subject: Jeff Hardy**  
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.

**To: Twitter  
From: Kaitlyn**  
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas

**To: Shannon Moore  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?  
**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Shannon Moore**  
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.

**To: Stephanie McMahon  
From: Lita**  
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

**To: Chris Jericho  
From: Christian**  
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

**To: Twitter  
From: James Lawson**  
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Ryan Shamrock  
Subject: Val Venis**  
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.

**To: Twitter  
From: Connor Lawson**  
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month

**To: Jeff Hardy  
From: Edge**  
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?

**To: Ric Flair  
From: AJ Styles**  
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.

**To: Twitter  
From: Matt Hardy  
Subject: Annual Christmas Party**  
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

**To: The Undertaker  
From: James Lawson**  
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me...too ghetto?

**To: Justin Gabriel  
From: Wade Barrett**  
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET

**To: Twitter  
From: E & C**  
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram

**To: Twitter  
From: Chris Jericho**  
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Christian**  
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie

**To: Twitter  
From: Heath Slater**  
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Mindy Stratus**  
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

**To: Zeb Colter  
From: Jack Swagger**  
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.

**To: Twitter  
From: Lita**  
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.

**To: Trish Stratus  
From: Mickie James  
Subject: Last Night's Party**  
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"  
**To: Trish Stratus  
From: Mickie James**  
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.

**To: Twitter  
From: Randy Orton**  
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg

**To: Christian  
From: Chris Jericho**  
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.  
**To: Chris Jericho  
From: Christian**  
I could have done it in 2

**To: Twitter  
From: Seth Rollins  
Subject: Practical joke played on him by Dean & Roman**  
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: AJ Lee  
Subject: CM Punk**  
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.  
**To: AJ Lee  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
Marry him. Now.

**To: Twitter  
From: Rob Van Dam**  
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.

**To: Twitter  
From: Michael Cole**  
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

**To: Twitter  
From: Evan Bourne (college)**  
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better

**To: Twitter  
From: Matt Hardy**  
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.

**To: Bradshaw  
From: Steve Austin**  
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

**To: Farooq  
From: Bradshaw**  
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

**To: CM Punk  
From: Colt Cabana**  
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!

**To: Trish Stratus  
From: Lita**  
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?

**To: HHH  
From: X-Pac**  
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.  
**To: X-Pac  
From: HHH**  
It's 2 pm...

**To: Rob Van Dam  
From: Chris Sabin**  
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Seth Rollins  
Subject: The Shield's Christmas Party**  
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.

**To: John Cena  
From: Randy Orton  
Subject: Cody Rhodes**  
He's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.

**To: Twitter  
From: Ryan Shamrock**  
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.

**To: Twitter  
From: Chris Jericho**  
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

**To: Everyone on their phone lists  
From: Matt & Jeff Hardy**  
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.

**HAPPY FREAKIN' HOLIDAYS!;)**

**REVIEWS = LOVE**


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